Thoughts on a Thursday

There are a lot of pros and cons about going into business for yourself. One of the biggest is the lack of teammates. One of the things that has always kept me going in my jobs (including the one I just started a couple of weeks ago) has been the quality of the people that I've worked with. But that's not always enough.

Currently, I'm driving an hour and a half to work and the same back home. Five days a week. It's painful, especially with gas prices as high as they are, but the job pays well and has a lot of security, including some of the best health care benefits in the country. That's enough to keep me here for a while. But forever?

No.

My father was a freelance writer and consultant for many years and I think I inherited a fair deal of his restelss spirit which kept him out of coporate America for more than a year or two at a time. I saw, growing up, how hard he had to work to make it and I find myself sharing the same anxieties that he did. Can I make it? Will I be able to build myself up to a point where I can rely upon my skills as a writer to provide for my wife and (eventual) children? How long will it take before I can turn this skill into a career?

It's enough to keep me up at night sometimes.

But in the end, I think that half of the struggle is against yourself. The Fear is an awful obstacle to overcome, but if you let it rule you, you're finished. Even if the fears are justified (as I feel that mine are), if you pay them too much mind, you'll never be able to overcome them. You'll never go anywhere.

It's a balancing act and you can't always wait until conditions are perfect before you start walking the tightrope. Yes, my wife works and would gladly support me in my efforts, but pride keeps me from even conidering that. I want to be the one to support my family, damn it. Call me old fashioned, but I don't think I could respect myself if I didn't make the effort.

So now I'm here...working a full time job and struggling towards a goal which takes up what little free time I have. Is it worth it? I think it will be in the end. But it's a long road ahead and I can only pray that I continue to receive the same loving support that I've been lucky enough to receive so far.

More tomorrow.